Mr. G's New Definition of Winning

Years ago, a newly minted attorney, Mr. G., was asked to assist in a case where two prominent businessmen in the same town were in a nasty legal battle. The feuding men were also related.

Attorneys on both sides were doing all they could to win. That meant then, as it does today, to soundly defeat and if possible, ruin, the other.

Mr. G., the junior attorney for one of the parties, spent several months studying the facts of the case. He came to two realizations: 1) both sides were losing so much time on their businesses and running up so much in legal fees that it would likely leave both parties unable to rebuild their businesses afterwards, and 2) the client he was helping had the most law on his side.

Neither party's legal team top bananas wanted anything less than total victory. The other guy had to be wiped out.

Mr. G however, thought that the public financial (and social) defeat of either party would be a dreadful outcome - regardless of whose client ended up the winner.

So he did something very weird: With everyone's approval, he visited with the other side - the client. He suggested that neither party could financially come out of the fight whole, what with all the time spent and legal fees and costs already incurred and still to be incurred.

So Mr. G suggested arbitration. Something which would leave out the attorneys on both sides.

The legal beagles on both sides resisted furiously. His own legal team thought he was ridiculous to hand the case over to an arbitrator and wanted to fire him. But Mr. G prevailed on the principal parties. Both had told him they wanted to continue in business after this dispute had been resolved.

So the case went to arbitration.

Mr. G's own client won the case, and a huge amount of money was awarded to him.

Mr. G however, was not satisfied this would end well. He realized that the losing party would likely go bankrupt having to pay this giant settlement (to his own client). And a public bankruptcy was worse than death for the other man. So Mr. G took another unusual step.

He prevailed upon his own client to accept payments from the losing relative - not to demand the lump sum. After much haggling and the insistence of Mr. G, it was agreed: Mr. G's client would accept payments to be spread out over many many years

Mr. G wrote this about it years later:

"Both were happy over the result, and both rose in the public estimation. My joy was boundless. I had learned the true practice of law. I had learned to find out the better side of human nature and to enter men's hearts. I realized that the true function of a lawyer was to unite parties riven asunder.

"The lesson was so indelibly burned into me that a large part of my time during the twenty years of my practice as a lawyer was occupied in bringing about private compromises of hundreds of cases. I lost nothing thereby - not even money, certainly not my soul." - M.K. Gandhi, An Autobiography.

P.S. In our own businesses, Mr. G's approach means we do not dump on or belittle competitors or their products. Our self-serving agenda is transparent. Sing your own song, and find others to sing it with you. (See here.) Leave those with different musical tastes to their own happiness.

Candy coating truth: Creating future dissent?

Sugar coating truth - good or bad?

Last year I had Donna Johnson on a call. She's been multi-million dollar/year earner for almost two decades - #1 in Arbonne. She decried the way some parents had sugar-coated the success challenges their children would face - the "trophy generation" - some of whom were now in her business:

"The trophy generation wants to earn money, but they don't want to be inconvenienced," she said. (!?!) "The trophy generation is young people up through our college age kids - we over did the self-esteem - everyone is a winner, you don't have to work harder than anyone else. They want to earn big income, but not if it means being inconvenienced in any way." See 'Watch Out for the Trophy Generation' here.

Hear Donna say it here..."Does the 'Secret' movie cause do-nothingness? Part TWO.

The self-esteem movement too, got beat up in a recent piece. Self-esteem is a good thing, says the author. But by itself, it's not enough for success. Interesting data from the church as well. His conclusion:

"I’m all for motivation and inspiration. But truth is truth. Maybe it’s time we stopped candy coating it and give it to them straight." See here.

Your take? Are we candy coating the truth of life's challenges - income, relationships, happiness - too much?

How would we un-candy coat say, the challenge of building an NM business?

Slumdog Millionaire: A Lie?

Robert McKee, Hollywood screenwriting guru, hates Slumdog Millionaire as a business model for movies. In an interview in Singapore, he says the flick

"like all popular culture, is based upon a lie that life is not what it seems to be, that it is full of hope and optimism...."

Then...

"Slumdog Millionaire is a hideous lie. When you get artists in countries such as Japan who are serious and sophisticated, they won’t lie. The (film) business model that you are proposing is based on the ability to lie. That is how you reach the mass audience."

His conclusion:

"Hollywood, as an industry and business, is based upon the myth that everything will turn out for the best, that good triumphs evil, that hard work and perseverance will pay off, and that everyone has a soul mate. Hollywood as an industry is based upon a lie. All popular culture is based upon a lie that life is not what it seems to be, that it is full of hope and optimism."

"Do we seriously want to encourage film cultures around the world to continue telling that lie?" More here

I know, we all know movies are pretend. And only $10.

But - I bet he'd likely say the same about the self help and 'opportunity' industries. That they're both "based on a lie and full of hope and optimism, which rarely happens in real life."

But we all love the happy endings, even if they are not true for 99% of us. Maybe we're just late bloomers. Maybe we just like to live vicariously through the magical characters in the movies, or in MLM or Internet Marketing, who sound "just like us." (That's a skill gurus learn to develop early - to give you the impression they're 'just like you.' And in some ways they are.)

What to do?

Movie fantasies aside, whatever you devote yourself to - to find your financial success - choose something first that matters to you. As in, you'd do it anyway because you're almost called to do it. Then, remind yourself each day: "I cannot control the actions of others. But I will keep on keeping on because this matters to me." Maybe you will score big, maybe you won't. It's not all about you. It's also about this:

"We vastly underestimate the extent to which success happens because of things the individual has nothing to do with." See here.

There might be a way to reduce the pain if your results are not what you wished for. Next.

Step 5: Lead With YOUR Hot Button, Not Theirs

(If recruiting isn't going as fast as you'd hoped, consider, instead of quitting, building a steady customer base. Step ONE here. Step TWO here. Step THREE here. Step FOUR here.)

How do you reach that special one who would buy your thing if they just knew about it? Almost no one with money responds to 'this is the greatest' anymore. So how about something new?

Pretend you love tennis, and you're looking for a tennis partner. Wouldn't you just ask around for someone who plays tennis? You are "calling someone by name" - in this case, someone who plays tennis.

You are leading with YOUR hot button here, see that? You're not asking what sport the prospect likes, and then hope you can accommodate the person. No, you ask for what YOU want.

Isn't it time you start asking for what and whom you want?? That's how I recommend you find your best product customers, starting right now.

STEP FIVE: Lead with YOUR Hot Button. Not Theirs

First task is figuring out the 'tennis value' of your product. Why do you love it and what does it do for you? This is personal to you. It doesn't come from a brochure. It has to come from within you. It's your before and after. Your values. Why YOU love it.

Once you have that down, which is a step-by-step chapter in the orange book, you'll be able to ask for people who blah blah blah, like YOU. Same way you ask for someone to play tennis. You'll eventually be referred to someone who plays.

Isn't that the idea here? Find someone who already 'plays'? (See Step ONE: Seek not to convert. Seek the converted. Here.)

P.S. Have a group? Get ten together with Orange book in hand, and I will give the group a tele-session. Email me here

Why Can't We All Have Frank Kern's Success?

Did you suspect this?

Unusually successful gurus in MLM and Internet Marketing will explain the 95% "failures" by pointing out that most wannabes don't, or won't, do what it takes. They quit way too soon, they say, and never master the basic skill set, much less become remarkable. And yes, we all know this is true.

However, there are some who work steadily over the years, have done the things, done them well, and had some success. But not the nutty big success of my friend Frank, or of a top MLM recruiter, or of a wildly successful film maker.

What is the story? Why are there so few big successes, given the masses who aspire to success?

Malcolm Gladwell in his book, Outliers, offers a compelling answer to this unhappy puzzle.

"We vastly underestimate the extent to which success happens because of things the individual has nothing to do with." See here.

All big success, from hockey players to movie makers, happens to "people who are talented and work hard but who also benefit from the weird and largely unexamined and peculiar ways in which their world is organized."

Moral? Do what you love and get really good at it. Keep right on plodding until you become remarkable. THAT you can control. And maybe, somewhere along the way, some of these weird things you have nothing (obvious) to do with, will help lift you to that miracle place.

Remember the $22 million dollar weekend?

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P.S. The other side of the success puzzle is believing that what one guy did to make it big can be packaged, sold and predict the next person's success. Not so, says the silent evidence. Not now, not for centuries. Of course the evidence is not so silent today. That's what explains the new FTC regs against using big income testimonials. We are all discovering how really rare those results are, no matter how much comparable effort others put in.

How We Got $22 Million This Weekend

"We bumped over a miracle." Brad Grey Chairman, Paramount Pictures

Is this the new winner attitude? Please say yes!

You've heard about the new horror flick sensation, Paranormal Activity, right? Made for about $15,000 (shot entirely in the director's bedroom), and bought by Paramount for $300,000. Here's what happened next:

The little movie was marketed online, and this weekend alone, took in over $22 million dollars! (It's taken in $62.5 million total in last six weeks) Might hit $100 million or more.

An astronomical return on a $300,000 investment, plus a relatively small (but cleverly spent) marketing budget.

Anyway, such wild and unusual results (FTC fans: atypical) normally call for chest-beating and self-aggrandizing press releases. You know, blasting their income numbers far and wide, along with comments that they just 'knew in their gut' it would do this all along, and how great they really are at this business of predicting a movie's success. Blah blah blah.

Paramount chairman Brad Grey however, did the opposite today. My jaw dropped as I read each word he spoke to his people a few hours ago:

"Evidently we have a situation where you put one foot in front of the other every day at the studio," he said on a conference call with his senior executive team Sunday. "We all work very hard, and every once in a while you find yourself bumping over a miracle."

What a wonderful and humble explanation for this wild and very unusual success! Of course they did some extremely smart things marketing this flick. But that's not where he put the credit for the atypical hugeness of the movie's success.

Let's us in Internet marketing and network marketing follow his lead. Let's stop pretending that one big and very unusual success is entirely of our own making. And therefore predictable (so give us your money so you can follow us and do it too.) Our understanding of success is really very crude.

Our unusual successes are never entirely of our own making. Nor are they predictable, no matter what the gurus asking for your money tell you.

If Mr. Grey can acknowledge "bumping across a miracle" to help explain bringing in $100 million or more, for (what is likely to be) the biggest movie hit of the year, can't we? It doesn't mean we didn't do anything. Just not much to make it such an atypical result.

Think about it: How else could he explain why most of his other movies (like most entrepreneurs) don't make money (p.212)?

MOVIE BUFFS: more on the movie review HERE

Wrong Aspiration?

Do you aspire to DO? Or DO only if you will succeed? You'll DO a lot more than you succeed. So know.

I came across a quote I put on my computer today:

"I think the most important thing, if you're an aspiring film-maker, is to get rid of the 'aspiring'... You shoot it, you put your name on it, you're a film-maker. Everything after that, you're just negotiating your budget." James Cameron, hugely successful movie writer/director (Terminator, Titanic, more here.)

He sure spoke to me. Write your thing, go shoot it. Put your name on it. Yep. Go DO something.

Then I noticed that word - aspiring. Aspiring film-maker. Aspiring writer, entrepreneur, online marketer, network marketer, you name it. So I wondered, would I be happy just to be a film-maker? Or do I aspire to be that only if I can be a successful one?

Would you be happy being a writer, an entrepreneur, or online marketer?

Or, do you really aspire to be that thing only if you are a big success at it?

Very different. And the difference affects your happiness levels immensely. Because the odds are against us all. You'll be doing a lot more doing than succeeding. You ready for that? 95% don't make a success of their ventures. Sigh.

So what is it you really aspire to? The doing of "the thing" or the resulting success of it? Would you just do it even if you knew the odds were against your financial success?

I thought about that for my love affair with the film business. An academy award? FUN! But actually, I just want to DO it. And get really good at some part of it. I don't know why. I just do.

What about you? What do you truly aspire to?